You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
