if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
