I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Your dad touched me again.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
