party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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