then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
