If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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