TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
