I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
