If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
