It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
