He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
