I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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