quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
