That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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