there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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