Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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