i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
