i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
