He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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