Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
false alarm, still single
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
