literally had 100 drinks last night.
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
