i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
My dick has a subreddit
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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