I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
