i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Randomize
