My nipple is on Facebook.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
