Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
