YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
