Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
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