i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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