how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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