so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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