I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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