I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
