just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
