Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
