If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
