During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
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