Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
