Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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