So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
