She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
