I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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