So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
