Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
