I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
