Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
