Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
