Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
