he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
