I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
