finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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