I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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