Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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