A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
