I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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